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Monday, December 31, 2007, 3:10 AM
yes, it was just awhile ago that i blogged.
i was happy all the while, smiling away. till the emo fairy hit me on ma head. honestly, i don't want the year to end. simply because i am not over you. i don't want to start a year with a broken heart. it was just around this time, when 2007 was about to start. we were happily chatting away, getting to know each other more. when we both knew we missed each other's presence. when we both felt that we were special to each other. all that gushes back into ma head is the happy us. i sit back and question myself, wad would u be doing and thinking? a part of me know. u wouldn't be brooding about me nor ma thoughts. && i ask maself again. why are u so dumb? get over him. he's not worth u. the tears roll down the cheeks u kissed. lesser heartbreaks for 2008? i had many heartbreaks over the years but u're the hardest to get over with. && for the first time. ma bestie told me. he loves me. it made me feel like a happy kid. |
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Sunday, December 30, 2007, 11:27 PM
there's like roughly a day to 2008.
&& there's a sudden urge to just stay put in this year. i am not prepared enough to face a new yr. it means a lot. that we're moving on,.. year 3, and much more. and yes, i know. we can't stop the new yr from coming. so i'll just accept the reality. since last night, ma parents have been nagging at me. they say, am living in ma own world, where the room is ma space, & it's just me and ma laptop. i was like HELLO..... c'mon, you din build an amusement park, u built a house. there's nothing else amusing and entertaining in these four walls accept for ma laptop!! && pls. i'm not keeping to maself because of the emotional breakdown i went thru. i keep to maself because the house is full of irritants. it maybe unhealthy in ma parents' eyes. but trust me, it's healthy. it saves a whole lot of trouble in the house. parents. they have the mind of a "pentium 10 processor" or whatnot. the wildest imaginations they come up with. new year resolutions. |
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Saturday, December 29, 2007, 11:37 PM
 i fought boredom. &.... LOST.there isn't much to say on a boring day. cause apparently. there's isnt anything to do!! && ma house doorbell continues to ring mysteriously. i'm the only one freaking out about in the family. everyone else is calm! it's ridiculous. && C.S prefers to be called a mentally handicapped chicken, rather than a retarded chicken. if his lappie had a mouth, it will screw the hell outta him for stoning day and nite infront of it. :x i think i am deprived of ma cupcakes. to the extent. i dreamt that we were rolling on ma bed. :x i need her. everyday!! complete boredom. |
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, 3:06 AM
well, i changed my blogskin.
and it's being a total bitch. for those who use IE to view this blog, u may experience some difficulties in reading. it's better viewed in firefox, or try zooming in 125% in IE. sorry for the inconvenience caused. ((: |
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Friday, December 28, 2007, 11:59 PM
i woke up with note telling myself, it's another wasted friday night.
&& as usual, the lazy routine. where u get up of bed because u have to, do ur chores. && laze around waiting for some miracle to happen. then, i decided to call shakthee to find out how was she. we chatted awhile. && then i called nesha. there was an excitement in that girl's voice when she picked up ma call. it was rather freaky, when u hear her giggle instead of saying hello. ;p we had a pointless conversation to the extent we both realized if we dun get out of the house sooner, we'll rot on the spot. so random plans were made to meet at orchard at 6.15pm. along the way, we were msging each other. that's when i somehow figured out that nesha wasn't anywhere near orchard when she didnt reply ma msg. i was literally grinning away when i was replying her, && there was an indian fella who glared at me weirdly. :x one way or another, we prove ourselves to be aimless ppl. for 2 hours, we were aimlessly roaming in the streets of orchard. not forgetting, checking out hawt guys. :p there should be an unwritten rule: hot guys arent supposed to be with their girls in orchard. it only breaks the hearts of angels, like nesha and me. :p even though it was an aimless friday nite. it was worthy with my cupcakes. then again, no matter what we do together, it's fruitful. on a random note. my house doorbell rings mysteriously. thrice in the day, when we opened the door. there wasnt anyone out there. i'm thinking it must be some technical error. :x Happy 19th Birthday to Zakiyah! |
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Wednesday, December 26, 2007, 9:43 PM
 I want to tell you "I love you" one more time. I want to see your smile light up the room, filling it with such an energy it makes me feel alive. I desperatly wished I could hold you, kiss you, feel you again. I wanted to share the tribulations and joys of life with you, but now all I yearn for is the pain to stop, for these tears to stop falling. All I wish and pray I could do is turn back the clock to that fateful hour when we said our goodbyes, and convince you to stay. As time goes on, the clock becomes my enemy, a constant reminder of the hours, the minutes I am here without you. With every tiny tick of the minute hand, my heart fragments a little more, and the shards get washed away by the river of tears that flows so freely. I wanted to tell you "I love you" one more time, but instead I stood there looking into the cold earth, and say my final goodbye. it didn't go well today. i couldn't win over ur heart. i couldn't make u stay. i felt it was pointless, when i realized that u had firmly made up ur mind. i'm moving on. it hurts to. but that's how it has to be. everywhere i go, ur thoughts gush back into ma mind. i tell everyone, "am ok. it happened for the best". but deep inside, i yearn for you. i'm preparing to heal ma wounds. don't worry sweetheart. you didn't break me. you destroyed me. && i still love u. |
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Tuesday, December 25, 2007, 10:11 PM
in about 2 hours, tuesday's ending.
it'll be wednesday. && am meeting him at 10 in the morning. i'm feelin anxious,worried, a whole lot of emotions that's running around ma mind. the messages we exchanged today. it made me feel, tmr's meeting would be somehow pointless. the hidden message u sent across, makes me think u have clearly moved on. am enraged that u have moved on. how could u.. or at least, it's not possible u have moved on this fast. then again, there's some hope that's lingering around. u'll be back, sweetheart. if u dun, ma love's down the drain. to all who have been there to pick me up. * valli & veena i wouldn't noe if i would have been able to smile without you two. ((: * nurimah ur advices mean the world to me. i love you. * nesha.sherilyn.rosey.shakthee.cs. u guys being by ma side means loads to me. - thanks everyone. - i have decided to prepare myself for whatever outcome that pops up tmr. that's the least i can do, if i can't make u mine. it's an abhorrent holiday. && honey, if u have moved on, it's faster than i thought. i'm praying for the best. |
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, 2:25 AM
  i was surfing around the web, and came across these two quotes.they accurately reflect my thoughts. somehow, i picked up my courage to sent a message to him. i asked him, if he was free and could i call him? it was an unexpected reply though. "i'm out. Y?" i figured out that he must have been annoyed a lil. so i replied, "it's k. talk to u some other time, was feeling disturbed with a few dreams. take care anyways." i've been having these weird kinda images, dreams that pop into ma head. it's really disturbing. after an hour, he called. i asked him if he cud follow me to the temple. && he said, yes. so yea. wednesday. i'll be meeting him. i'm really freaked out about it. am happy tad am gonna see him. but am scared it may be the last time. i'm just hoping for the best now. |
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Sunday, December 23, 2007, 1:01 AM
 Please don't go I don't want to be alone You were my everything Who I was supposed to be I wanted this to never end But when you were my world All the words you said were pretend Please don't walk away I know you want to stay I'd do anything to bring you back When you were supposed to call You said nothing at all You must be losing your mind You must be running on empty, honey Please come back Come back to me |
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Friday, December 21, 2007, 1:33 PM
 it's all over. he said, nothing can be worked out. a stir of emotions. which tells me. i'm not worth anything now. it's seems like everything is over. my happiness.ma heart. down the drain it goes. |
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, 1:35 AM
 ma heart's broken into pieces. it's all over, i doubt the pieces can be fixed back. unless u fix it. please. life wouldn't be the same without u. i need u. i'm sorry for whatever i have done. i promise i'll change for u. give me a second chance. come back to me. |
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Sunday, December 16, 2007, 12:16 AM
highly tipsy.
2 bottles of rapsberry vodka, 2 bottles of blackcurrent vodka, 2 bottles of jim beam i am not drunk, am tipsy. and this day is fantastic. when ma three best friends pop at ma door one by one, to surprise me. i love u guys. && LIDYA, thanks for coming by. i love u. hope u will stay longer in ur next trip k, photos. i cant type anymore.or else, u'll be reading nonsense.          i love u guys. tmr am leaving for thailand. take care. everyone. love all of u muah. |
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Friday, December 14, 2007, 9:59 PM
a remarkable day.
skipped sch. had tons of love and fun. spent the whole day with Nesha, C.S && Nasri.  cupcakes.never ending love.&& we speak anything under the sun.  Our Chicken #1. Let's play footsie ma love. show some attention to the chick. :p ma favourite of the whole lot. fatal seduction. this picture emits heat. i need u by ma side, every other second.i love u, cupcakes. Chong Yang. one smile.one wink. that's all it took CY to calm me down today. he's a lovable idiot, the way he managed to irritate and make us jealous. && sayang us after seeing us emotinally worked up. the way he actually tot i was angry with him, and asked nesha in a cute manner. ahaha. i guess, its naturally him to be a sweetipie. to love us, irritate us and make us melt with his lovable cheeky smile. it's the last day of school. i am gonna miss everyone terribly. when am back from thailand, let's plan the next outing. cupcakes.i hope we can plan our next threesome outing soon too. :p baby, am gonna miss u. in advance. happy 11th month dear. && as promised the bird love. 
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Thursday, December 13, 2007, 11:30 PM
Reflection Journal drained out my brain juices completely.
i so want to hit preman on his head for makin me crack ma head! it was rather a foot-dragging class today. then again, u can't expect much on a Thursday. draggy classes have a huge impact on ma mood. so today, i was randomly bitchy to a certain someone. i didn't mean it. it was unintentional. sorry! during break, i drew a cute little tweety on the board. && shakthee completed it with a chicken, && nesha with the chicken footsteps leading to the tweety. :p THE BIRD LOVE. :D i'll post the picture once i receive it from shakthee. i don't want to attend school tmr, but i want to spend some love with my sweetipies before i go off on a holiday. at the same time, i wanna be with him. argh! && there's a ut. can i replicate into many other "haruna"s to be with everyone. :x thailand here i come. :D |
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Wednesday, December 12, 2007, 9:59 PM
i am not in the mood to blog today.
but the day had been too perfect, and it has to be marked. Conclusion III: CY, he's that perfect package, any girl can dream of. if ur wondering, where conclusion I & II are, find it in the archives. He had been really nice today.  but during the third meeting, his horny hormones started raging. && he practically played with my mind and as well as Nesha's mind. i must say, his wink followed by his cheeky smile, has more impact than his touch. :p && then followed by a whole kinky conversation, where he asked me out to the handicap toilet. :x aha. eventually, his after-effects on me are still lingering around. he's that perfect package, i want for christmas. :p the morning started off with crappy mood. CS & Yit Fang succeeded in traumatising me. CS was practically pretending to jack off Yit Fang. that chicken was affected mentally and emotionally. hehe. then after sch, nasri, cs, cupcakes and i went to Mac. it seems like we're eating Mac every other day. we were all feeling lethargic for different reasons. but hanging out with the three of them, it's absolute love. although it has only been weeks since i met nasri, somehow, there's so much of love i feel when we're with him. hang out with us more often, nasri darling. then cupcakes & i had a lil bit of chat, but the topic never seemed to move on. it started at that point, and ended there. :p school's getting more than perfect when it's gonna end! it's not fair! ignore me for all you want. i dun really care. |
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Monday, December 10, 2007, 10:50 AM
i feel totally messed up.
all the emotions let loose, causing a stir. probably it's just a bad day, where i woke up on the wrong side off ma bed. let's not get too emotionally worked up over this. i absolutely forgot about the lab lesson today. i read the email, but i dunno why i forgot about it. must be the perfect addiction to IMVU. everything else around me, i chose to ignore. so yea, no labcoat, no covered shoes. result: leaving class. so teddybear bf agreed to company me till 4 and send me back to sch for ut. oh did i mention, the thought of studying for ut was abolished by this new massive distraction. aha. at this rate, i doubt i will even reach yr 3. i think i am gonna start convincing ma parents big time, for a tattoo. how bout this one eh? on the lowerback?!  nice?? :pcomments welcome too. eheheh. am getting ready to leave class rite now. woohoooo. here i come naren!!! |
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Saturday, December 8, 2007, 10:30 PM
yeash yeash. it has been long since i updated.
just didn't have to mood to blog. there are too many things in ma mind, that i want to blog about. but the words cant be stringed into proper sentences to express ma thoughts somehow. the past two days in school has been fantastic. i wish school could be awesome everyday. then i will neva skip school anymore. :X ahaha. TODAY WAS AN ULTIMATE BLAST!! nesha.sherilyn.cs.nasri.shanie.nurimah. i love u guys, the best ppl to go out with. the movie, the cam-whoring session, the chit chats. all was extremely lovely. the pics will be posted soon. shanie love is sending us all the pics. The Tattooist. hawwwwwtttt... except for the part they cut the "most important" scene. i'd love to have a tattoo real soon too. :D maybe the group should have a BBQ or a chalet too. it'll be mind-blowing fun. i dunno why we've become like this. i hope it'll be back to normal. |
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Tuesday, December 4, 2007, 8:46 PM
there's something amiss.
i noe. i can feel it. the friction against me. or am i thinking too much? maybe. or not. i dun want to feel this way. it hurts deeply. i might take it lightly on the outside. but it really hurts on the inside. another 8 days. && ta-da. Thailand here i come. I ought to go for a break. to let loose of the many thoughts that's running thru ma mind. shopping helps to relieve stress. its proven. :D Happy 2nd Year Anniversary to Rosey!! Happy 1st Year Anniversary to Valli & Kamal!! |
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Monday, December 3, 2007, 11:01 PM
The Past 2 Days. officially has been crap.
despite the mind-blowing fun at the chalet with ma whole family. dancing.gambling.gossiping.bowling. perfect family gathering. met Naren today, after 5 days. he made me feel like a happy small kid again. although we weren't in the lovey dovey mood mood today. we had so much of fun. studying together. then dinner. he abused me today. but in the loving bf way. a lil roughness. a lil gentleness. having a spilting headache. missed applied chem the fourth time today. i can predict ma module grade already. a gush of deep thoughts that run through my mind. |
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Saturday, December 1, 2007, 7:05 PM
after such a long time,
i had a motivational conversation with ma primary school best friend. part of the coversation: «¨°¤°·hå®üñã·°¤°¨» says: ahaha. no la.. i dunno man. ma grades are screwed up big time.. oh by da way.. i have a blog.. do drop by.. http://angellicbabydevil.blogspot.com moon river says: oh cool «¨°¤°·hå®üñã·°¤°¨» says: yea. do tag too. ahah moon river says: but u going year 3 righbt «¨°¤°·hå®üñã·°¤°¨» says: erm i still haven finish ma year 2. sem 2 yet will only finish it next feb so yea. still struggling too... moon river says: no lah ur smart! im sure u can do it! «¨°¤°·hå®üñã·°¤°¨» says: ahahahah... no man... i feel dumb in class all da time. moon river says: ya can understand but of course u will beat them! woot «¨°¤°·hå®üñã·°¤°¨» says: ahahahah. so Sweet of u. ahahah. moon river says: yup yup u will then ur gonna be dispensing medicine «¨°¤°·hå®üñã·°¤°¨» says: eh.. ahahahhah muah. thaNks girl.. i am sure you'll be out of the JC with FLYING colours too.. ahaha moon river says: haha yeek i hope «¨°¤°·hå®üñã·°¤°¨» says: ahaha. wad do u wanna do after A's ok wait dumb question def. uni of coz. moon river says: haha hope can get there but no idea what i want to be «¨°¤°·hå®üñã·°¤°¨» says: me too... i hope i can get to uni... ahah. my future that awaits seems to be blank. kekeke. moon river says: its only blank cuz it hasnt been written yet:) «¨°¤°·hå®üñã·°¤°¨» says: ahahahahah. u are like ma motivational pill, man.. ahahha i need u beside me all the time. moon river says: wahaha thats cute «¨°¤°·hå®üñã·°¤°¨» says: ahaha. moon river says: hey gtg take care and dont get discouraged! i love her, for who she is. she's seems to overcome anything. i want to package her in a lil box and keep her in ma cupboard for motivational. hehe. |