firstly, results are out and am pretty satisfied with my results. although, there's a slight drop, i thank god that i didn't fail any of the modules. so next semester, i'll only be having school three days a week. the other two days should be probably dedicated to FYP unless there's something else which over-weighs the importance of FYP.

almost after what seemed like ages, i finally met my very good friend, Praveena yesterday along with Rosey. it was a day well spent. breakfast in the morning at Mac and hours of catching up. it's quite hard to summarize months of stories within a few hours but i think the three of us did a fairly good job on updating each other about whatever that happened or is happening in our lives currently.

well, when you have the opportunity to make choices, never fail to grasp the opportunity. you'll never know what lies ahead for you. on the other hand, when you know you don't have a choice, always try to make the best out of what you are going through right now. at the end of the day, we all have to learn that life isn't easy nor is it fair.



long hours talks with you are absolute love.
that special three words from you and i don't want to hear anything else from you. it was more than enough to make me feel loved. right now, i wish you would be here to spend the cold night with me, with your endless hugs and kisses.
i love you more than you know and you do. =)

nothing beats the feeling when my mum makes me feel so loved with all her random conversations. i love you mummy to the tiniest bitsy pieces of my heart. =)

Your words they make just a whisper
Your face is so unclear,
I try to pay attention,
And the words just disappear...

So i speak to you in riddles,
Cuz my words get in my way,
I smoke the whole thing to my head,
And feel it wash away...

Cuz i can't take anymore of this,
I wanna come apart.
And dig myself a little hole
Inside your precious heart.

Though i don't know how i feel
But I know I'll do the right thing
If the right thing is in revealed.

i'm not able to comprehend where am being led to. but i choose to ignore the facts because when i'm with you i feel safe, secure.

i knew watching the movie was such a bad idea. now it leaves me affected and thinking beyond any necessity.


maybe it'll be better off when the feelings are restrained.

why do i have to climb 100 mountains to get you, when all you have to do is to smile to get me?

i can't tell you how happy i feel to have you back. the happiness of having you back is like losing something so precious and finding it back when you least expect to find it. and i just don't believe how much you've been through these 3 months. again, you've proved yourself as the strong girl i always knew. now, you've got me worrying for you. i can't help it but to think what are the possibilities that may happen or may not happen, i'm freaking out together with you. and again, i repeat, i'm WORRIED. the last thing i need is to see you get hurt. i'll be there girl, sticking with you always. and i'm going to drag you to the temple soon!!

so what do you call it, pure love or lust? cause if it's love, please explain to me, how does your heart allow you to hurt the person who was your life?



there's not much happening in my life because it's the holidays. 2 more weeks of holidays and back to school again. FYP has officially started and there's so much of research to do. back to burning the midnight oil, since i study the best at odd hours.




have i ever told you?
the simple words that you mention gives me butterflies, leaving me speechless.
makes my heart skip a beat, leaving me to smile to myself.
i love you, baby. =)

you are getting sick and tired of getting hurt over and over again. you want to end it all cause you know that you don't deserve the pain any longer. but the only thing that keeps you going without worrying about the pain is your love for him. i keep telling you, you're simply blinded and i wonder how much more can you endure. all in the name of love. i admire how much you go through just to keep it all going, at the same time, i wish you would stop and think. you don't deserve this. you deserve better, much better. at the end of the day, i know it's easy to stand aside and tell you what to do. it's always easy to just watch what's happening cause you'll never know how it is like to be in the shoes of that person.

no one will ever know how i feel. my life may not seem as complicated, but i do go through my own ups and downs.


&& yes, i was longing for the holidays, and now that the holidays are here. i wish school didn't end because i miss school. i miss my friends and break times. i miss class and the fun we had during the last week of school. but i guess it won't be that bad cause FYP has started so i still get to see most of them when i go back to school for lab.

on a random note, i wish my parents printed money or something. or i can pluck money from the tree across my room. i want to shop so badly and it doesn't help that i have finished my allowance and it's not even the end of the month. so tell me, how am i going to survive when i have so many things planned ahead. *mummy, help me!!*

ok i lost my train of thoughts, thanks to my best friend.




i.miss.you.

because i love you.

as promised, pictures from the outing on wednesday.
i decided to do it the lazy way cause i hate uploading pictures in blogger.
click on 'view all images' if you are impatient to view the slide show. ((:

Lunch at Seoul Garden with darling Rosey, Nasri, Sarah, Nessa, C.S today. it couldn't be better.
&& i must emphasize, nasri and i are very good at raising issues with people. it runs in the blood, i guess and am very proud of it. after lunch, we went off to Bugis Street to shop. i bought myself two tops and ear studs instead of looking around for siva's birthday present. i'm a perfect example of a girl, i shop for everything else except what i planned to buy. pictures will be up in the next post.



i hate myself for losing temper this fast this easily. this is not me. i'm not the kind of person who is angered so easily. i don't know what's getting into me. it's not me to be rude to people. i apologize for throwing my tantrums at you.


the truth is. i'm scared, afraid. paranoid. i might smile and say that getting hurt at the end means it's not meant to be in the first place. but i'm afraid of getting hurt. i need some kind of assurance. it may seem silly, because we are in such a phase where assurance isn't need, cause it wouldn't make a difference. okay, i'm blabbering. i don't know what i'm feeling. i can't open up because i can't express what i'm feeling truly. it feels like noone is able to understand me. letting the tears flow down my cheeks seems like the only way to make myself feel better.



i'm feeling distorted.
will you hug me and tell me everything will be fine?

there's lesser motivation to blog these days. maybe i should just close down the account.
today's one of the lost day, where i'm feeling aimless, not sure of what's happening.
i hate feeling this way, i feel so insecure.

i haven't been able to get a good night sleep due to the very weird dreams that i have been having. it's creepy cause it has do with the people i love and also cause, once am awake i can't remember anything about the dream. i hope nothing would go wrong and everyone will be fine.

random conversations with my bestie is love. although at times, i feel like killing her, she's part of me. i love her. always and forever. and i just found out from her, i'm the only unattached one among my secondary school clique. my best friend could pull off as a private investigator for the amount of information she can gather about people all over the country. pretty amazing and scary. the point is, just cause everyone else is getting hitched or attached, it doesn't mean i have to also. i'm taking some time here, so that my boyfriend doesn't come telling me after a year, that he rushed into the relationship and it's a grave mistake. i'm not some kind of toy, you know.

moving on. 2 more days of school and yes, holidays. finally. oh did i mention, my FYP grade changed. i've got a B now, so i guess it'll help a little in my GPA. we're starting on our second project next week, there goes the whole cycle again. Kallang River, here we come AGAIN.


NDP fireworks. i managed to catch it from my mum's room.
it's not quite clear though.

you're the perfect drug that i'm perfectly addicted to.

the very heated topic of today. 08.08.08 - and you'll strike 8 million.
unfortunately, my parents didn't strike nor did nasri.
it was quite expected actually.

if i had 8 million dollars, i will quit school the very second.

anyways, class today was boring yet survivable. kristel, shamala and i were indulging in some online shopping. why can't they have Victoria's Secrets here in Singapore, it will make a girl's life much happier and easier. in the evening, met my mummy to do some shopping at Body Shop. ended up gettting myself two pair of shoes and cosmetic stuffs as well. ((: that's only half the shopping done. i'm going to go shopping next week for a few dresses. one dress will be a red one, worn for clubbing with nessa baby.


happy 1 month anniversary to nasri and sarah. may many more anniversaries to come. love ya'll.


i'm jealous and i hate you for making me feel this way.
no, i don't hate you.

i'm not a happy girl today. i suggest that everyone stay away from me.
cause i'm not sure when i will snap.

and rosey has been a meanie to me since morning.
she doesn't want to skip with me. she doesn't want to watch batman with me. (yes, i haven't watched it yet, thanks to the number of people who keep cheating my feelings.) and she's dumping me cause she claims that i am a stubborn girl. i repeat i am not stubborn, i am just over-expressive when it comes to wanting things. whyy rosey why? =(

on a random note.
3 more days for school to end and NEED to start working on FYP.



grrrr.

freedom is finally at my doorstep, no more tests. one more week of school.
and yeap, i have officially finished one semester and i will only have another 6 months left in that dreadful school. (that is if, i don't fail and repeat)
i feel wiped out today although i haven't done anything that strenuous.

i'm hitting my bed now cause my head feels heavy.


i'm missing you.
i want to be in your arms.

i can't string my words together although i feel as if there's so much to blog about. in summary, today was bliss. pure bliss.

i had a lovely morning with siva. test after school was very manageable. journey back home with rosey was so fun that i had a tummy ache from all the laughing.

met siva around 10 for breakfast at tekka. breakfast at anadha bavan was delicious yet very filling. i have trouble finishing my food these days. after breakfast, we made our way to orchard to get siva's phone serviced. we had to get wet in the rain just to get across to wisma atria. pfft. after which, we made our way back to woodlands, to get to camp and school. i was in class extremely early for the test. i was stoning in class for more than 2 hours doing absolutely nothing. although i tried to do some work, failure was the result. then on the way back home, rosey and i had so much fun talking about nothing fruitful.

&& i was a little rough today. cause i left a scratch mark on siva's hand and he was 'profusely' bleeding for quite some time. i am sorry for the blood loss, dearie. haha. it was by accident. sorry. =P

sometimes i wonder, how will it be like after graduation. i'm so used to seeing her almost everyday. i know it's going to be tough not seeing her, but at least she only stays one road away from me. we'll find time to meet. =) being with her, i am able to be who i truly i am cause she doesn't judge me.

tomorrow there'll be one last test and yes, finally freedom. i can't wait for holidays!!



it isn't about the hugs, kisses, 'I LOVE YOU', 'I MISS YOU'. it's about the butterflies i get thinking about you.

Congratulations to RPICS. the third challenge trophy added to the collection this year.
and the dance was really awesome. seeing how great the dancers were, i miss dancing.
i regret leaving my passion for someone who wasn't worth anything at all. not only did i let go off my passion, i let go off my friends cause i thought he was of more importance.
i miss dancing, if i hadn't stopped, i think i would have been much better now, just like valli.
she has improved so much, turned herself into a graceful dancer. i love the way she rocked the stage tonight, with her expressions and graceful movements. splendid.

on a separate note. i haven't added the abstract into the environmental day poster. i'm not sure what i'm waiting for and i haven't filled up my appeal form as well. i guess i'll get everything done tomorrow since i'm skipping class.


i.miss.you.more.

that boy is driving me insane. i can't explain why i want that boy. ((:

it seems like each cycle is meant to end with a heartbreak.

it's been long since people used words as their weapons to stab me in the heart.
you have now taken that place. i wasn't sincere. all day and night for the past two days, thinking about you, missing you, wasn't sincere. worrying if you were okay, wasn't sincere. i wasn't sincere that's why i'm crazy over you. hoping for just a single message, wasn't sincere. you wouldn't know how it feels like to be me, when i yearn for someone.

you haven't realised how much of friends i'm giving up for you, just to be with you.

actually on second thought, you don't have to understand what i feel. cause it's my fault. i was being a bitch. an inconsiderate person. i'm sorry.

after all i have said. i still want you. it doesn't matter that you made me cry. it doesn't matter that you hurt me. i need you.

my project supervisor has re-considered and he has allow me to appeal for my desired grades.
i'm happy. very very happy. but i don't want to go through the whole cycle again!
i don't want to re-present, write essays after essay justifying why i deserve better.
i'm lazy.

just like any other day, same old same old. class was fun, this time i mean fun, really fun.
today's problem is something about ethics, technology. i like discussions which involve ethics. there's so much to say. there's no ending. i love my facilitator. she's one of the best facilitators i have come across. you can't go up to any other facilitator and ask them if they would want to club with you anytime sooner. they'll probably give you the 'huh. are you okay' kind of face. but my lab management facilitator, she's so cool about it. she talks about everything under the sun. i like-y.

anyways, since today is the start of the 7th month - hungry ghost festival.
hot topic of the day was ghosts/wandering spirits and whatnot. we even had a class discussion during second meeting regarding this and we also planned to watch some chinese ghost show during break, next tuesday.

ok, i may seem very daring here. being very excited about all this stuff. the truth is, i am quite courageous before the sun sets. i was so frightened thinking about all the stories that we shared in class that i was hiding under the blanket, waiting for my mum to come in to the room and switch the lights on. i admit, that's how much of a chicken i am.

on a more random note. the bell curve, distribution curve thing for the FYP grades. it's so ridiculous. why deprive us of the grades that we are worthy of and it's only fair, we students know what's the cut-off point. firstly because, it's concerning us. secondly, then only would we know where we stand. so much for all the transparency. it's pure bias.

i didn't have a good night sleep last night so i'm not at my best today.
i very well knew i was sleeping, somehow sub-consciously there were so many things that were running in my mind. now my brain feels very worn out, tired but weirdly i feel hyper.
i know abnormal right. i feel very abnormal these days.

it's just me. the slightest issue worries the hell out of me. don't blame me or ask me why i'm like that. i guess i was born this way. god sent me to earth with this deep-thinking ability which isn't something i am happy about. i want to be able to be happy-go-lucky. i don't want to care about anything which doesn't concern me.

i wish i could be selfish at times. just to think about me, consider my feelings and fuck whatever which doesn't concern me. but being me. i know i'm not such a person.

i want to be gone from where i am now. to somewhere where i'll be left alone, just with happiness and a care-free life.