i wish to find myself elsewhere, away far away when i wake up. somewhere, where i can find myself again. somewhere, where life wouldn't be so harsh on me. somewhere, where i'll be able to breathe freely.

how come anything was possible when we were much younger? when we had to worry about getting the toys we wanted, and insufficient amount of crayons and coloured pencils. when mummy decides what you wear and daddy brings you to school. when pocket money of $2 could do miracles, when playing hopscotch made your day. when your mum's warmth was more than enough to get you to bed with a smile on your face. if we never grew up?

i'm falling behind. i'm feeling alone.

i'm too caught up with you, too caught up in my own world that i fail to notice the reality.

there isn't much to blog about when life's pretty much the same old each day. i'm finding more reasons to go to school these days. just three days of school and one day of FYP and i can't believe that i'm finding it so hard to focus. somehow, it feels like i'm starting to deal with some issues. let time tell what's instore for all of us.

i don't have much to say either. maybe some other time when there's more inspiration to blog.




i'm missing you. so much that i want to be in your arms right now.

this is MY blog. i have the rights to rant about anything i want here in MY blog. afterall, i created this blog to get things off my chest. i can be pathetic for all i want, i can go on talking about my love issues, about what's bothering me, simply because this is MY blog. to people who have issues with me ranting about my life on MY blog, you can kindly exit this page. i'm not upset because you aren't reading my entries. i have my own ways of dealing my issues. 

maybe for starters, a time-machine would be the greatest help here. i could fast forward to see what lies in the future. maybe if it isn't right, then i'll go back in time and start a new. right now, the present is killing me. 

if i had the ability to read your mind, maybe then it wouldn't be this messy.


sometimes i wonder if i'm just chasing a fantasy....

i wish i didn't exist right now. kill me. so that i wouldn't have to endure the pain that you're putting me through. would sending me one message kill you? all i need to fucking know is if you still want me?

it's proven all cycles are meant to end with a heartbreak and no, death didn't have to come knocking on the door for this cycle to end.

i checked my phone all day long, hoping for a single message or at least a missed call. hoping that at least one of the message or call i received was from you.

i'm considering of leaving all means of contact behind.

maybe, i should hope lesser, then things would work out right.

everything just fell apart within a few mins.
and i screwed up everything.

it's true when they say some things are best left unsaid. my feelings should have been left unsaid, it would have been better for both of us. now i risked it and i'm on the verge of losing you. i think i already lost you.

i'm sorry. truly sorry if i had hurt you in any way.

i can't explain anymore, my words aren't enough to tell you..
i want you in my life.. i love you the same.

first day of school and i'm glad to say it went well. i survived school one whole day and i really hope to survive tomorrow's module as well. i'll be doing pharmaceutical chemistry tomorrow and i'm in a class filled with many geniuses. me, haruna elangovan, the average student among straight A's students. i find it quite intimidating, nevertheless, i will try to sit still in class and pay as much attention as i can.


sometimes, i wish you would want me more than i want you.

i managed to break free from the emotional bubble. i'm finally able to breathe freely. it doesn't feel like someone's breathing down my neck anymore.

it's true. eventually they'll have to take care of themselves. i can't be there to watch out for them all the time. sometimes, i guess it's just me to be overprotective about the people i'm concern about.

whatever that happened today, is purely unreasonable. she deserves much better. i hope she'll be able to mend her broken heart sooner. there's much more awaiting a good soul like her in this world. and i seriously wish he rots in hell for doing this to my friend.



on much lighter and happier note.

i watched the first episode of Gossip Girl season 2!! after months of waiting, finally it's out!! (: nate and chuck still look awesomely dashing as ever. seeing chuck and blair in love, it's sweet. sadly, ego doesn't play nice here. oh well, there won't be much drama if they were to be together.

&& i've finished the third book in the twilight series. there's one more left before i complete the series. i need to beg my mum to get me the forth book. i NEED to know if edward cullen and isabella swan will ever get married? will bella be a vampire finally or will she choose jacob instead? okay, i know, it seems like the series has gotten into me. it has, kind of. it's just, it's soo nice. a sweet love story is something a girl like me wouldn't resist. nessa maybe you could be a sweetheart and tell me so that i'll be able to sleep peacefully.

i guess that's all.. school's starting on thursday. i'm kind of excited to go back to school. i find myself totally absurd for saying this, i guess the excessive amount of rotting has made me say this. i miss all my friends.







3 words. 8 letters. say it & i'm yours

if i had stayed in my room any longer, i swear i would have gone crazy. i managed to get erica to hang out with me, i seriously owe her one. although i never got to tell her what i was going through, just walking around and enjoying the fresh air helped a lot. and then again, i found myself dragging my feet back home, i don't want to be stuck here in my room. just for the time being. i want to be somewhere where i can be at peace without thinking beyond any necessity.

i'm not sure what went wrong, but i'm quite sure that all the problems that are being directed at me is the cause of my sudden downturn. i can't avoid these people because they are my friends. tell me how do i say no in a nice way when i hear my friend crying over the phone.

i just hope everything would fall in place. i have had enough of hearing cries every night.
and if only i could be stronger.

somehow, it does feel like i'm making something out of nothing.
if only i could simply go with the flow.


on a random note, i really want to watch 'forgetting sarah marshall'.
anyone who's willing to go out with me, feel free to let me know. =)

sometimes your mind doesn't want you to be in love. but deep down you know you are.
when your mind tells you to let go, your heart doesn't give in.