in less than three hours.
welcome Twenty'O'nine.
(:

2oo8.
not the best year yet not the worse either.
like every other year, this year leaves behind the overwhelming happy memories as well as the heartbreaking moments.
all of the blissful memoirs will always be close to my heart, and what that shall be forgotten will be forgotten.

and with the new year arriving.
i'm thankful to God for everything that he has blessed me with.
dearest parents who gives us the best of their ability.
my baby brothers. despite being annoying, the care and concern. the way they make me laugh.
my boyfriend. i love him much more than he knows. and i thank him for tolerating me. =P
my friends. for being there for me all the time and not giving up on me.
and everything else in life. =)

i hope the new year would give everyone of us the best.
i love ya'll.

my heartfelt wishes to everyone out there. =)






i love you, baby.
a little more each day, my love for you grows.

completely drained, left with no energy.

the morning was disastrous.
there's no need for the details, i think.

as of today, we don't have a domestic worker.
&& i'm hell as sure my mum won't be hiring another one!!
everyone of them = headaches!!

i miss boyfriend.
wonder if he misses me as much?

tomorrow's going to be an extremely long day.
have to get out of bed at 8am.

and tomorrow's the eve of the new year.

from c.s.

1. grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4, and type it out:
* there isn't a book anywhere near me.

2. stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What did you manage to touch?
* my winnie the pooh cushion.

3. what was the last thing you watched on TV?
* tamil drama - bayam.

4. without looking at a clock, guess the current time.
* 11.30pm i think.

5. now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
* 11.40pm (:

6. with the exception of the computer what can you hear?
* some random sound from my brother's PSP.

7. when did you last step outside, and what were you doing?
* 3pm, went to my godmum's place.

8. before you started this survey, what did you look at?
* reading C.S's blog.

9. what are you wearing?
* a dress filled with teddy-bears. (:

10. did you dream last night?
* nope, nothing that i can remember of.

11. when did you last laugh?
* last night when i was talking to praveena.

12. what is on the walls of the room you are in?
* portrait pictures of me. (:

13. seen anything weird lately?
* nopee, i think.

14. what do you think of this quiz?
* kills boredom.

15. what was the last film you saw?
* twilight. (:

16. if you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
* car & penthouse. more shoes, moreeee clothes.. =P

17. tell me something about you that I don’t know.
.....

18. if you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you change?
* hmmmmm.........

19. do you like to dance?
* i loveeeeeeeee to dance.

20. presuming that your first child is a girl, what name would you give her?
* ei?! never thought of a name.

21. presuming that your first child is a boy, what name would you give him?
* Vinesh.

22. would you ever consider living abroad?
* yeap, countless of times.

23. list 6 other people who must also complete this quiz and post it on their blogs:
* i choose not to tag anyone. =)




the mood's a major spoiler today.
& the thought of having no celebrations for the new year.
it's even more depressing.

feeling extremely drained out.
anyways, yesterday was a blast.

it was 403'2008 gathering.
though it wasn't the whole class. the same sense of belonging was there.
i realised, i missed everyone so much. especially hew yenn.
so much of catching up to do and there wasn't much time.
and then there was mr.chua, who never fails to give the best advises.
so most of the time, we were just talking on and on, playing some number game so that we could finish the food.

403'o5 is love. (:


the man with his ladies.
from the left: marilyn, shan joo, jie fang, erica, fazli, me, hew yenn, xiu yi, fang lin.


the girls. the boys. and the man (mr.chua).


hew yenn (: i heart her!


marilyn.derrick.haruna. the same old.



yeap, so that was the class gathering that was much anticipated.
afterwhich, erica, fazli, jeremy and myself made our way to clarke quay.
i felt so undressed, seeing all those people there.
we had great difficulties with settling down in a place. we ended up at Cafe Iguana after all the fuss. had drinks for ourselves. talked a whole heap of rubbish. then they walked me down to boat quay, to find club celebrity's.

yesterday for the very first time i set foot in an indian club. oh by the way, i got in free when i was supposed to pay 50 bucks for it =P and i'll always get in free when i mention my friend's name.

my best friend was there waiting for me at the enterance to bring me in. i felt so intimidated by the indian crowd. mostly cause of those people who seemed so capable of coming up to you and punching you in the face. i kept to myself for quite awhile before hitting the dancefloor. and i survived 5 hours of dancing continuously. the music was good too. got back home around 7 in the morning and i was no where near tipsy. i'm just having a very veryy terrible body ache.

i'm so going back there once shakthee returns home.
whee! can't wait can't wait.

boyfriend's back in singapore.


there's exactly three days to welcome the new year. (:





.uoyssimi

boyfriend in a resort having tons of fun.
here i am, rotting at home.
purely unfair.

i too want to go a short vacation. =(

aren't i surprised that i received three calls from him?
when i was actually expecting no calls or texts. ((:


&& siva's younger sister and i seem to be clicking along just fine.
she's sweet enough to edit pictures for the first time she chatted with me. =D
here's the delayed pictures.

now, i'm her property. no longer, siva's.
and i have blue eyes magically.


there's so much to do. there's so little time left.
if we could stop the clock from ticking, and pluck money from trees?
yeap, you've got your world's happiest girl. haha.



i.el.oh.vee.eee.you.

close to noon.
and am already awake!! *pats herself on the head*
woke up around 8am and ever since then i'm just lazing around.

dearest boyfriend's gone on a short vacation for the next three days.
he'll only be back on sunday night.
and i already miss him.
it amuses me, how i can never get enough of him.

right now, i'm contemplating if i should go to the temple with shalini.
if i should ask my dad.

the weather has been total crap.
all i have been doing is to wrap myself up like a mummy with the blanket and snuggle in bed.
no motivation to leave the house.
plus, shortage of cash. major spoiler.


the year's going to end in another 5 days.
and we'll all welcome the new year.
on the other hand, it feels like it's going to be just another day.
no big difference. ok, so i shouldn't be this pessimistic.
*tries to be enthusiastic for the new year*

& when the new year begins, weeks later.
it'll be graduation already. (hopefully! if i can pass)
three years of poly life, it started and will be ending.. so quickly.
i look at my options laid out for me after graduation and it feels like nothing.
sometimes, i wonder. if i took on the right path, if this is what i really wanted.
and i answer myself. i don't even know what i want.
i hope there'll be some path in life which will give me a successful career and the satisfaction.


i miss rosey. i miss shakthee.


i shall end this post here.
off to take a short nap =)

Merry Christmas!
May Santa grant all of us our little wishes =)

*shaun, Santa boycotted you for being a meanie* hehe!


i was never the girl who expressed her emotions.
sometimes it's so hard. cause you're so afraid it might hurt someone.
it feels the best to just put on a smile and pretend it's fine.
now, my vague emotions.. it has to change.


sivashankar, i love you.

i miss rosey.

the need to sleep is high right now, but i refuse to go to bed.
just waiting for a single call from boyfriend when he gets home.
and i'll happily sleep.

the past two days.
it's been exceptionally fun.
no regrets.

monday.
it was triple date with the other two couples.
jaya & shalini. praveena & raj. siva & his princess (which is me).
dragged myself out early in the morning for the first after school closed.
made my way to yio chu kang to meet boyfriend.
and yes, finally. after much awaiting. my baby has finally got his license.
then we made our way to meet the two couples. and till 8pm, it was all good and fun.
games + private sessions + drinks. ((:


tuesday.
random plans was made with boyfriend.
and he picked me up around 6 in the car.
my mum kept chasing me out of the house while i was waiting for him to come over.
we went to east coast for dinner, and then we went to sit on one of the stones.
after stoning awhile, jaya drove us to changi to see the chalets that shalini'll be taking for next year. made our way to bendemeer, potong pasir before returning home.
& on the way back home, we almost met with an accident, thanks to a noob driver.
no worries. all is fine! i hope.

my mind hasn't been at ease ever since then.
i feel so worried that he's driving around,
and right now when there's no reply to my message... and with the heavy rain to add on.
i feel bothered even more.


there's no plans for later. for now, i guess.


i'm going to stone around the house till i receive a call or a text.



the howling wind is scaring me too.


&& i should end here cause i'm babbling.

Happy Birthday, Mummy!

today, my mummy dearest turns a year older.
to be exact, 41.
no celebrations though due to dad's recovery.

and as for updates.

went back to ping yi last friday.
& most of the teachers left behind, they all remember me.
aren't i grateful?! =p

on satuday, i finally caught Twilight.
with my mum and brothers.
and, it's just an okay movie.
i guess movies don't do their books justice.
&& Dr. Carlisle Cullen is dashing!!!

for the next three days, i'll be out with boyfriend.
tomorrow's going to be a long day too.

& he's out right now. i don't have anyone to entertain me.

i'll be turning in early today.
i can't seem to get enough sleep despite all the long hours of sleeping.



Cos he fills up my life
Like a star, he shines bright

1.Who is the person that tagged you?
Mahesan the Pig.

2. Relationship between you and him/her?
My Baby Brother.

3. Five impressions of him/her?
i) Annoying
ii) Irritating
iii) Retarded
iv) Noisy
v) Cute

4. If he/she become your enemy, you will?
Kill him.

5. What will you say to the person you like very much?
I'll say a whole lot of things.

6. Characteristics I like about myself?
Noisy. Bubbly.

7. Characteristics I hate about myself?
Deep-thinking.

8. For the person whom you hate, you say?
Fuck Off.

9. What do people feel about you?
No idea.

10. Your crush(es)?
No crushes, Just my love.

* Question 11 appears to have lost its way. I'm not gonna guide it back though.

12. Pass this to 10 people.

1) Chun Sang
2) Nasri
3) Praveena
4) Zakiyah
5) Sivashankar
6) Vanan
7) Nessa
8) Rosey
9) Shakthee
10) Fazli

13. If 5 and 7 were together?
OMFG. NO WAY!

14. Who does 5 like?
He Loves Me.

15. What colour does 9 like?
Red

16. Say something about 8?
She's Part of Me.

17. Who is 2?
My Buddy.

18. Talk about 3.
The girl who brings out the randomness in me. I love her.

19. Who is 10's best friend?
Me? Erica?

20. Who is the sexiest amongst all of them?
Shakthee.

21. What colour does number 4 like?
Green? Purple?

22. Is 4 single?
Nope.

23. What is your relationship with 1?
My Buddy =))

24. Are 5 and 6 best friends?
Just friends.

25. 9's surname?
Silvaraju.

26. 7's nickname?
Kuchika Rukia

27. Say something to number 8?
I Fucking Miss You Like Fuck.

28. Say something to help 9.
If it's meant to be, it's meant to be.

29. Who does 1 admire?
Sherilyn =P

30. Where does 1 live?
Sembawang.

31. Do all 10 of them know who you like?
Yeap, they all know!

32. Say something to 6 when you see him/her.
Smurfie!

33. 10's spouse.
ah!? noone..

Time:
8.55pm

Sisters:
0.

Brothers:
2.

Shoe Size:
5/6 (small feet :P)

Height:
Skip!

Where you live:
Bedok =)

Fave drink:
Pepsi Twist. Milo..

Fave breakfast:
None in Particular.

Have you ever... Been on a plane:
Yeap.

Swam in the ocean:
I can't even swim in a swimming pool.

Fallen asleep in school:
Can't count the number of times.

Broken someone's heart:
skip!

Waited for someone to call:
Tons of times.

Saved emails:
Yeap.

What is your room like:
Pink with a queen-sized bed.

What's right beside you:
Dhinesh.

When is the last time you ate:
About half an hour ago.

Ever had...

Chicken Pox:
Yup

Sore throat:
Yup.

Stitches:
Fortunately No.

Broken Nose:
Nope.

Do you believe in love at first sight:
No such STUPID beliefs.

Who was/were the last person...

You danced with:
I can't remember.

Who made you smile:
My BabyBoy.

Who yelled at you:
I think Mummy.

Today did you...

Talk to someone you like:
Yeap.

Kiss anyone:
Nope.

Get sick:
NO!

Talk to an ex-classmate:
Nope!

Miss anyone:
Yes, i Do. Sivashankar, i MISS you.

Eat:
Of Course!!

Experience the best feeling in the world:

What is the best feeling in the world?
Being Loved.


Sleep with softtoys:
No! Phobia!

What's under your bed:
I don't know la!

Who do you really hate now:
Grrrrr..

i'm sure, at this point of time, no soul would even want to step into my house.
cause it's just too noisy.

i'm irritated. my brother's irritated.
my brother's wound up, thanks to his own problems.
i'm annoyed, thanks to everyone else and everything else.

time to hush and stay hidden in the room.


i'll be making my way to my secondary school tomorrow.
because..... my baby brother is posted to the same school.
hopefully he'll keep the ping yian traits going on. haha.

those secondary school days. so carefree, simple. so memorable.
so proud of myself to be a ping yian. =P


it just hit me.
there's so much going on next week.
and i'm so broke.
if only i was a little richer? or i could pluck $50 notes off the tree?

next saturday.
i'm meeting all my 403'05 for a class gathering.
finally after 2 years.
i still remember those times so clearly when we proudly displayed our class spirit in every way which was possible.
the memories still lingers around and it's close to my heart.
i miss everyone in 403. from the teachers to every single one of my classmates.
even melvyn. haha.

just in time, when erica speaks about prom.
if we could re-do prom.
then we'll have nicer dresses, nicer heels, nicer hairdo, nicer dance moves.
the girls will be all much prettier and the guys all will be much hunkier and handsome.

after the gathering. it's clubbing with erica, at long last.


boyfriend's going to buy the same phone as mine, tomorrow!
whee!

i miss him, truckloads.
& 3rd month anniversay + new year in another 13 days. ((:


i fell for you cause you're worth tripping over, baby.

mummy met boyfriend. brothers met boyfriend.
boyfriend met everyone except daddy.
and he's not going to meet him anytime sooner.

so when mummy smiled and felt guilty for sending back siva halfway without spending time with him.
it meant good news.
i love the way how my brothers flock over him despite all the cat and dog fights between mahesan and him.
thankful that the small meeting ended on a right note. =)

my mum brought my brothers and me on a small shopping spree.
we got ourselves the monopoly world edition plus scrabbles.

&& tomorrow's going to be a pretty long day.

so as for next week. i'll be seeing boyfriend for three days in a row.
=) i miss him.



When we get close, I want you to know that I get all weak and want to hold you forever.
iloveyou, baby.

after two weeks, i met boyfriend today.
seems like we're back to meeting once every twice a week, thanks to the busy schedule.
on a bright side, he'll be getting his driving license next monday.
it means, he'll be driving me to East Coast soon and details excluded.
i was late today. we were supposed to meet at 4 and i only boarded the train at 4.
after changing plans after plans, we met at Novena for a late lunch and then made our way to KK hospital to visit his aunt and her new born son.
we didn't get to see the baby boy, since he was admitted in the special care unit. =(
his aunt gives off this intimidating, scary aura, on the other hand, his uncle was funny.
and one of his aunt/sister, i don't know. said i had a very nice name. :D
then we made our way to drink with shalini, jaya, praveena and raj.
triple date. and it was fun. how an innocent drinking session turned out.
jaya looks like a teddy bear. haha.

boyfriend will dropping by later to visit my brothers later and return my card.





If I could have just one wish, I would wish to wake up everyday to the sound of your breath on my neck, the warmth of your lips on my cheek, the touch of your fingers on my skin, and the feel of your heart beating with mine... Knowing that I could never find that feeling with anyone other than you.

boyfriend thinks it's funny when i'm jealous.
grrrrr.

i'm that one and only girl. and it's supposed to be that way. =P


it was pretty fun being out with my brothers.
they never fail to amaze me with their nuisance.
& madagascar wasn't as what people said it as to be.
i thought it was an alright movie with hilarious parts here and there.


there's so much that i want to do this holidays with him.
stupid nail-less toe.


you know, i love you.
no matter how much of a toot you are. :P

do you know, too much of sleep kills you?
that means i'm going to die soon for the amount of sleep i get.

later on, i'll be watching movie with both my brothers and my mum.

& i'm sleepy.

i'm meeting boyfriend on monday, and i haven't got a plan yet.
he promised me the whole day. =)

i miss rosey. i miss shakthee. i miss praveena.
&& i miss sivashankar, the most.

the much awaited holidays. it's finally here.
oh well, i self-declared the holiday a day earlier.

i wasn't the only one who skipped, and it wasn't a surprise that none of us were in school.
instead of rotting at home, nessa and i decided to do some shopping.

met her at novena around 2pm, had pizza for lunch. after which, we went to look around for heels for nessa's pretty christmas dress. nothing caught our eye till the end. and it was a pity that we couldn't go to town nor bugis cause our parents worked there. then we entered cotton on body randomly. ended up buying pretty boxers for myself while nessa got a bathrobe. before leaving for home and work, we chilled out at coffeebean awhile. being out with nessa = eating alot!

today. the actual plan was to meet boyfriend finally. but he's busy doing intensive cleaning at home. and i won't be able to meet him tomorrow either cause my brothers insist on watching the 'Madagascar'. now i'm wondering when will i actually see him. there's always something screwed up.

i received my first letter from RP for not attending lessons for week 12. a lot of explaining to do later in the night.

& nessa never fails to hit the hard fact of how i might not graduate. =( i really hope they do a hell of a moderation for pharm.chem.

i wish she would learn how to stop raising her tone for every single thing cause it irritates the fuck out of me. i mean, how hard would it be to answer a harmless question in a proper manner?



&& i'm missing him.

i love him, truckloads.

To Boyfriend. Sivashankar.

here's the redundant entry at a very ungodly hour.

as much as i complain and whine about you all the time, i still love you.
& no, that doesn't make you not complicated and i have trouble understanding you at times.
it doesn't matter though.. cause i'm still trying to read you inside out. i know it'll simply take ages.

yes, you're hot. cute. funny. good-looking. smart.
and i don't appreciate other girls checking you out. i'm jealous.
then again, i'll deal with it cause i know you only love me =P

i believe to all the fights we have, we'll have twice as much happy memories.
it don't matter what people say.
i know you'll keep me happy in your special ways.

you've said it. you are a jackass
and that's what makes me love you the most. you're not any other normal boy.
it doesn't mean you can be a bigger jackass since i said this.

and i can go on and on.
i should stop.
considering all the other people who read my blog.
thank you all for reading this entry.
i was forced to do this.

but whatever that i've said above.
i mean it, sweetheart.

all my life, i want to spend it with you and only you.
and yes, i do want to get married too. just not at 21.

iloveyou, sivashankar.
i've fallen deeply in love with you.
and i'll love you like noone else would ever do.

nothing new. pharm.chem sucked big time and halfway through, i zoned out.
and the result of zoning out ended in.

the brain's blocking out all incoming and outgoing transmissions.
now, just a bed would do the magic.

boredom could have killed me literally today.
there wasn't much to do. the television programs weren't as entertaining either.
didn't have anything to watch online.
i tried finding people to chat with but everyone were busy or missing.
this is the time, i wish rosey would be here to entertain my randomness.
and it only hit me that today that i'll have to survive the train rides alone.

we had seafood at the coffeeshop for dinner today.
and i totally disgust going out on rainy days. i love the rain, but i rather stay indoors, enjoying the comforts of my bed. the ground was so muddy and slippery, i don't appreciate getting my feet soaked in muddy water. i'm petty. to make it worse, at the coffeeshop, my dad found a place nearby the drain. there wasn't much tables left to choose. and i was made to sit near the wet spot! disgusting! omg!

boyfriend's already in bed cause he's tired. i should be in bed too, so that i can go for pharm.chem tomorrow. two days of school and holidays, here i come.

allowance's in. time to get the heels. =)

clubbing mode right now. probably next weekend =)



your one and only pleasure

ungodly hour to get hyped up. and i can't sleep right now.

i miss boyfriend.

i miss rosey.

the rain's stopped. the clouds have cleared. and finally the sun's shining bit by bit.

the past week has been too much to handle. and today it was.. simply beyond imaginable.
never have i ever thought of being traumatised to this extent.
the worse case scenario.
and i'm letting it go. cause only we matter. the love matters.

now that this has been settled. the next time, i won't be there anymore.
when i walk out, i won't turn back.

i've forgiven you, wholeheartedly.
i still love you the same, as always.



I'm like a performer, the dancefloor is my stage

stabbed by nessa.

Bold the statements that are true to you.
Italise the statements that you WISH are true.
Leave the Fibs alone.
Then, stab 3 people to do the same test.

I miss somebody right now.
I do not watch tv these days.
I wear glasses or contact lenses.
I love to play video games.
I have tried marijuana.
I have been in a threesome.
I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
I have changed mentally over the last year.
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I curse.
I'm totally smart.
I've broken someone's bones.
I'm paranoid sometimes.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I need money right now.
I love sushi.
I talk really, really fast.
I have long hair.
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one sibling.
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
I couldn't survive without Caller ID.
I like the way I look.
I am usually pessimistic.
I have a lot of mood swings.
I have a hidden talent.
I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
I have a lot of friends.
I am currently single.
I have pecked someone of the same sex.
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I love to shop.
Enjoy window shopping.
I would rather shop than eat.
I don't hate anyone.
I'm a pretty good dancer.
I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I have a cell phone.
I believe in God.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
I've rejected someone before.
I want to have children in the future.
I have changed a diaper before.
I've called the cops on a friend before.
I'm not allergic to anything.
I have a lot to learn.
I'm shy around members of the opposite sex.
I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
I have tried alcohol before.
I own the South Park movie.
I would die for my best friend.
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
I am happy at this moment!
I'm obsessed with (insert: smart and beautiful) girls.
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.
I study for tests most of the time.
I am comfortable with who I am right now.
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever I can.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I spend ridiculous money on makeup.
Plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I'm proficient in a musical instrument.
I worked at McDonald's restaurant.
I hate office jobs.
I love sci-fi movies.
I think water rules.
I went college out of state.
I like sausages.
I love kisses.
I fall for the worst people.
I adore bright colours.
I can't live without black eyeliner.
I don't know why the hell I just did this stupid thing.
I usually like covers better than originals.
I can pick up things with my toes.
I can't whistle.
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snake's slither.
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I still have every journal I've written in.
I can't stick to a diet.
I talk in my sleep.
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
I have jazz in my blood.
Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
I wear a toe ring.
I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with.
I am a caffeine junkie.
I cosplay or know what cosplaying is.
I have been to over 15 conventions.
I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical the better.
I'm an artist.
I only clean my room when necessary.
I like a person of the same sex.
I love being happy.
I am an adrenaline junkie.

i stab;
praveena.
vanan.
zakiyah.

it's beyond description, how i feel about rosey flying off at 9.25am today.
she's the one and only person i really want to be with right now till things are much better.
and now that she'll be gone till the end of the year, i don't know how am going to survive.
seeing her in the morning, makes the day. getting all hyped up and telling her every intricate detail of whatever that happened. just hugging her and falling asleep on her. or even just holding her hands and crying in the middle of the train. cause i always know, no matter what. she'll be there till the end.

rosey, you know that i'll have to find a way to survive till you return.
you know, i love you.
i really hope you have the best time back in india! =)



why do i feel that you don't care anymore?



she cries all day and all night.
she hates what she has become.

Happy Birthday, Khatijah.

7 years and more to come.
i've known, it's hard to survive with you and without you.
may of all your sweetest dreams come through today and forever.

i love you, baby.

300th post. and it's going to be about how love's falling downright on me.

like you said, i don't deserve this. and i choose to hold on, for the simplest reason.
i love you.
you don't understand, do you?

being friends won't work. it'll simply clash all the emotions together leaving us in a bigger turmoil. i've been there.

i wish you would just tell me what's happening.
i wish you would just tell me how you want me to be.

i'm trying so hard..

why won't you give us another chance?
why won't you talk to me?

it takes two for this commitment, & i don't even need your 100%.

yes, your life's important.
what happened when you said you wanted a life with me?
what happened when you said eternity was for us?
what happened to everything that you said when we were happy?


i'm leaving it to you to save this relationship.
cause i'm emotionally wrecked.
i can't do this anymore. i'll just be by the corner, hoping you would realise.
i won't come across in your life till you really want me.

thanks to chun sang!..

1. explain your relationship status:
complicated beyond any complication.

2. name a lyric from the last song you listened to:
and my girlfriends keep telling me, i'm doing too much.

3. what did you wear today?
t-shirt and shorts.

4. do you wear contact lenses or glasses?
perfect eyesight, baby.

5. how many windows are open on your computer?
just one.

6. what are you doing after this?
get ready to leave for school.

7. where did you get the shirt you are wearing?
ping yi secondary.

8. do you like to cuddle?
yeap, i do. rosey knows =P

9. which one of your cousins is closest to you in age?
no cousins around my age.

10. do you like someone? does his/her name start with A, B, D, K, M, C, or J?
NONE.

11. do you like hugs?
who doesn't?

12. are you a loud person?
maybe. or not. ask my friends.

13. look to your left, what do you see?
telephone. tissue box. coffee table.

14. what is one thing you would love to happen tomorrow?
him to come around soon..

15. would your parents be mad if you came home smashed?
they'll SMASH me up literally.

16. have you ever had a crush on your siblings friend?
my brothers are way too young..

17. does it matter to you if your bf/gf smokes?
doesn't.

18. do you think you have made a difference in anyone's life?
i'm not sure.

19. is there a guy/girl that knows everything or mostly every thing about you?
one or two..

20. who was that last person you had a phone call longer than 7 minutes?
shakthee.. last night.

21. how often do you hold back from saying what you are thinking?
most of the times, cause when i let it out. it always screws up.

22. last serious hug?
three days ago. and i don't know when will be the next one.

23. would you ever dye your hair blonde?
i still need a roof to stay under so i shall not even think about it.

24. is something bothering you?
yes, a whole lot of things.

25. has anyone ever told you that you have pretty eyes?
yes, a couple of them.

26. do you believe that you can change for someone?
i believe.. only to a certain extent though.

27. what time woke you up this morning?
12 in the noon.

28. would you go back in time to change something?
yes, i would.. there's so much to change.

29. is it hard leaving people behind?
it's always hard leaving someone behind.

30. what are you excited for?
nothing.

31. who was the last missed call from?
kalaivani.

32. what was the last thing you spent your money on?
cigarettes and food.

33. is there one song that reminds you of the whole summer?
summer?! don't know, la.....

34. what are you doing right now?
dumb question.

35. can you handle the truth?
most of the time, no. nevertheless, the truth hurts and you still have to accept it.

36. how's your life lately?
upside down.

37. when's the last time you did something you knew was wrong?
a few days ago.

38. do you hate being alone?
all the time.

39. where were you last night?
at home, in my room, on my bed.

40. last non-alcoholic beverage consumed?
coffee.

41. think back to the last person you held hands with, would you kiss them?
i would...

42. when did you first get Myspace?
never had one, and don't intend to.

43. are you drifting away from any friends?
not sure..

44. what are you listening to?
some random song being played in the background.

45. what are you doing tonight?
sit by the window.

46. does the last person who put their arm around you mean anything to you?
he means everything..

47. are you wearing socks?
barefoot.

48. do you have anything in your pockets right now?
emptiness.

49. who's your last text from?
The Body Shop.

50. are you comfortable with answering personal questions?
depends on who's asking.

51. ever kissed someone who smokes?
again, this is a dumb question. yes i have.

52. someone on your mind right now?
am i even on his mind?

53. would you consider yourself to be spoiled?
Yes, TO A VERY LARGE EXTENT.

54. who was the last person to sit on your bed?
myself.

55. where were you at 2:02 this morning?
sleeping.

56. did you go to sleep last night smiling?
haven't done that in a long time.

57. anyone told you a secret this week?
i don't remember.

58. when was the last time you bought something?
not sure.

59. do you play an instrument?
Nah!

60. what's your favourite number? list down the people you would like to sabo according to you favourite number.

9.

1. rosey.
2. shakthee.
3. praveena.
4. fazli.
5. zakiyah.
6. siva.
7. yoges.
8. anyone who would like to do this.
9. anyone who would like to do this.

one day, i'm going to be far away from everyone. and on that day, everyone will be happier.

as much as i don't want to post, it's too much to bear within.
the pain lingers around, refusing to leave as much as i try.

i'm not as strong as you think.
i'm fragile, too fragile because you've become part of me.
now when you're not around, it's too painful.
it kills.

you think this is hard, you do not know you making it even harder by doing this.
i realised i've been hard too, but is it hard to forget it this once? when i'm willing to never raise it up again. why not just talk this out. doesn't every relationship has its own ups and downs?

am i like any other girl, who's too possessive, who tells you can't do this and that, who wants you just to herself? am that irrational for you to dread this relationship?

do i make your life that miserable, i try to accommodate much as i can.
but you fail to realise, i'm a normal girl, a normal human being. i too have my own needs and desires. i too want to spend sometime with you, i too want to share the love.

i hardly have one quarter of the time you spend with your friends, and no, i don't make it an issue, do i? aren't i still happy the way that things are? and just cause, i wasn't able to bottle up my feelings for once and i exploded.. and you leave me in pain.

yes, i said leave, you too have told me that once? and i didn't blow it up. i assured you i wouldn't leave at any cost.

i know, you're delicate.

as much as i try to understand you, ask yourself if you do?
i don't need you to change for me. i don't need you to give in to me.

the agony of waiting by the phone, staring at it all day long.
hoping for a single message. it's too much.


you've never been this way with any other girl. and i've never been this way with any other guy.
i've never cried this much, i've never waited this much, i've never been this patient. and i don't regret a single bit being this way for the person i love.

i still love you.







she can't think straight.

too early for a update, yes i know.
1. i'm stuck in a class opposite rosey's class. (i'm bored and sleepy.)
2. BECAUSE I GOT KICKED OUT OF CLASS. (cause i didn't have a labcoat.)

& no, am not happy about it a single bit.
now it's like, you don't need to worry about failing. YOU ARE GOING TO FAIL.
pharm.chem = jinx. really, every monday, there's something going wrong. now my 'enter key' on the keyboard is giving me problems. Whyyy! whyyy!! goodness.
ranting doesn't really help much, it's only making it worse. so now, i should start preparing to pop the news to my parents, of how i need to stay back one more semester. =X
i shall not further whine about this issue. period.

a summary of what's been happening. i know i haven't been updating much. and my dearest boyfriend had to update for me. it's all due to pure laziness but nothing else.

yeap, FYP's done and over with. not only done but done terrifically. the team survived as one whole and i'm happy about it. & then, there was a family outing to WildWildWet. which at the end of the day, turned out to be quite disastrous between my mum and myself. details excluded. the underlying point would be, i can't be anymore stupider. & you've clearly succeeded. i feel too guilty to even stand by you.



on saturday, the whole clique (minus rosey and shakthee) went out for dinner at Lau Pa Sat. the food was heaven, and too filling. i felt to heavy after stuffing myself with all the food. if rosey was there, she would have LOVED the food. especially the stingray. before heading for dinner, we were waiting to surprise nasri with a melted cake at Starbucks. the cake melted due to various reasons.(some fashion disaster, getting lost on the roads of singapore.)

after dinner, we were walking around aimlessly taking pictures before deciding to go over to the Singapore Flyer. shaun drove the girls (nessa, sarah and myself) including the half girl (angus) over while the guys decided to walk. and shaun isn't quite a safe driver and he follows his intuition on the road.





i must say the flyer really looks gorgeous in the night, and the so called beach area where we were sitting. it was nice. then, nasri started off with his well known cocky speech followed by all the other guys. half an hour or so, i had to leave or i wouldn't have a house to stay in. cs and i left, and cs made me walk the super long way to reach the mrt station.

then on sunday, my family was invited to my aunt's place for dinner. finally, i learnt how to cook this dish that i've been craving for. room for improvements but still edible and nice ok! & my aunty gave me $30 (belated deepavali money). now i need not beg my mum till my dad gives me my monthly allowance.

money.money = shopping.shopping. (:

there's boyfriend who's finishing his national service this friday. so proud of my baby. finally a man. okay, i'm dead for this :P and he's getting his license too which means he'll be able to pick me up from school soon. whee! sadly, it also means he has to start working and studying. then there maybe lesser time to see each other, not that we see each other everyday now though.

this coming saturday, rosey will be flying off to india for about a month. she's ditching me, leaving me to travel to and fro from school alone. to think about it.. it's going to be hard to survive.

well, this post officially killed two hours of my time.
good job, haruna.

now i shall wait and rot till 4pm, till siva turns up at school.




Happy Second Month Anniversary, Love.