iloveyou.
in silence, because in silence, there's no rejection.
in loneliness, because in loneliness, noone owes you but me.

tuition went pretty much smooth except for the fact that the kid made me feel like i was talking to the wall.

i've set my eyes upon the new LG Prada phone.
and am already begging my parents for it. (:

now you've got me thinking.
for once, i've stopped hoping cause to you everything else matters.

all the renovations going on in my neighbour's house woke me up today morning.
not to mention, rosey's text on A.R.Rahman winning 2 Oscar Awards.
i tried rolling around in bed, attempting to fall asleep again.
thanks to the noise pollution, and i do foresee my sleep being disrupted for the next few days.

decided to check my results, preparing myself for the worst.
and the results was pretty contradicting.
my G.P.A improved yet i failed one module.
so yeap, one more semester in school.
my module chair called me up to tell me, i'll be taking Sports and Health Wellness every wednesday. and i don't have much of a choice either.
i'm already dreading the thought of travelling to and fro just for one day of school!

tuition was pretty much alright without adding the nerve-wrecking part.
hopefully the next lesson would be a much better one. i doubt.

boyfriend attended first day of school too. (:
we had an unfruitful conversation for nearly two hours.
if he's patient enough, i'll buy him a handphone (: only if he spends his salary, or half of it, on me.
i love my wuwuboo.
(wuwuboo is some random name i came up with for him while i changed his contact details on my handphone. =P)

she will try to contain her emotions within her control.
she will keep that needed distance to free herself from deep thoughts.
she will try her very best not to miss him this much anymore.
because the more she misses him and yearns to see him, it all comes falling down on her.
she will keep her mind busy with school and work as soon as possible.
she will not spill irrational words whenever temper or disappointment clouds her thoughts and judgments.
she will give in and be accommodating to family, boyfriend and friends when needed.

and i hope, it all happens.

it's not wrong to miss someone this much, is it?

a short vacation would do good right now.
i'll most likely spend the next weekend at my god mum's place.
since we both miss each other tons. and i don't want to cheat her feelings any longer.

am off to bed already.
the earliest ever since school closed.
hopefully all those thoughts don't come rushing in tonight and i'll be able to sleep peacefully.

boredom cannot further torment me.
and when you can't find anything to do, it just keeps getting worse.
i called up two student cares to look for a job.
one of it said they would call back after shortlisting while the other one said the post was filled.

i'm wondering if boyfriend would turn up tomorrow or if he even remembers.

something interesting that i found on facebook.
my birthday means:

At first glance, people think you are quiet type of person. Actually you are cheerful, but conditionally. You will show your joyful character only in good mood. One the other hand, when you are moody, no one would dare to be around. Because of your emotion fluctuation and frank character, some find you hard to be around. Your Love, You hardly show your feeling towards opposite sex no matter how much you like him/her. Your partner also has similar character so your love affairs often take quite a while to flourish. Time tells it all. Your sincerity makes you very attractive.

each line, i think it's pretty accurate. (:

haruna needs no sugar rush to be hyper.
just a long random conversation with boyfriend would do the magic.
thus explains the colours.

spent the whole day, researching about courses and universities.
a sudden interest in psychology.
reading the human behavior, working with different kind of people.
i think it's intriguing. however, there's still the uncertainty.
plus to decide over the choice of degree and the university.
not forgetting how money seems to be an issue too.
it drains the brain juices easily.

whatever else, still the same old routine. and extremely broke too.

miss you, babyboy. as always.

sometimes, i lock the thoughts and emotions deep down within myself.
the only reason being that it wouldn't be a burden.
i'm not that difficult. i just feel i should be more accommodating.
rarely happens but i'm still trying.

i miss you.


found another tuition assignment.
hope this one would go well.
randomly, i can't wait to start school.
i can't wait to keep my mind busy with school and work.

i received my first credit card! ((:
it came together with a stern warning.

artemis scythe. says:
the way you giggle
makes me happy
haha
i dont know why

°«×»°¦hå®üñ妰«×»° says:
awwww.. omg i really fucking miss all of you!!



NESSA BABY, YOU MADE MY DAY! (night actually) (:

tuition somewhat turned into an disaster.
hopefully, my morning wouldn't be as disastrous.
praying. praying. the heart's not at peace.

i miss you. truckloads.
i don't know why i haven't told you a word yet.
maybe it's just ego ever since the last tiff.
it keeps coming back, i still feel hurt and responsible.
unsure how else to regain the norm.
by the time you read this, you just have to know.
i miss you. i love you. i need you. (:
i'll be around, i'll be loving you always, as always.

not a split second that the mind wouldn't wander off into deep thinking.
annoying, frustrating.
what happened to all those happy go lucky days. those carefree days.

i hope i'll receive that one call for the tuition assignment.
at least there's something to keep me occupied.

Happy Valentine's Day! =)

those lingering thoughts. amusing how my mind never stops thinking.
it don't matter.

most of all. i love you and only you.
and i love every single thing you did for me.

my balloon of hopes and you prick it with a simple no.

right. by now, you should have guessed.
i haven't been online or blogging.
thanks to acer, cause i've no idea what's taking them so long to reformat a single laptop.
& yes! i feel handicapped.
i feel like a lost child with no food, toys, sweets without my laptop.
grrr.

there's quite a lot of things that happened.
but i have lost track of them.
i'm getting old. =(

so i finally met my boyfriend on saturday.
and we managed to get our lone time. =)
i hope he'll make it next friday.
i'm looking forward to spend the day with him.

then. the much awaited thaipusam.
and it was a success.
haha. well, a success meaning it's one of the days where i will remember throughout my life.
had fun with titus, shakthee, praveena and raj.
bumped into known and unknown people.
some random guy poured hot coffee on me and i went on cursing him for 5 minutes continuously. there was some guy that stepped on my feet and i spilled a profanity out loud.
at the end of the day, we were like dead chickens.
considering that we spent the whole day walking up and down.
and we didn't have food the whole day. (minus shakthee who had chicken rice without me)
not to mention, the sun was scorching and i got a few blisters on my feet.

& i finally managed to tell him that thing that has been bothering me all the time.

i should be gone now.
cause my brother is chasing me away from the desktop.
and using the desktop can be bitch at times.

i'm his 'idiot at times' and am officially dumb.
i ruined everything.
and i'm thankful that my boyfriend didn't jump into the ocean because i made him so depressed.
right, i know that i'm unreasonable at times.
sometimes, needs blind me, alright.
i don't get pissy or demanding for nothing.
i just miss you, too much.

&& i'll hate her for this one thing for the rest of my life.
aside that, i bare no grudges =)


sometimes to one, it maybe the right, justified thing to do. and to another it's just so wrong.
you've said something that's so wrong, something that i'll never imagine even in my dreams.


a thousand things, a thousand people may say.
i love him, and i'll love him for the rest of my life. =)
he keeps me happy in his own ways, and i wouldn't ask for more.

life's become mundane.
not that there has ever been anything ever extraordinary.
but now, it's worse.
i can't express how much i dread being at home now.
broke/bankrupt. whatever it is. it's a bitch.
it isn't fair to ask for allowance just to spend it lavishly on mere outings and shopping.
wait, or is it fair?
waking up unemployed, and seeing friends working their ass off for projects and assignments.
nope, not helping at all.
all these rants can go on and on.
and the only solution is to just keep hunting for the jobs.
i'm hunting and will keep hunting.

on the bright side.
i called up the tuition agent for some assignments.
hopefully, it comes flowing in.


i'm feeling murderous right now.
thanks to little tiny lingering issues. =(



my boyfriend's a bitch.
cause he hasn't called me the whole day.
i have no idea what the fcuk he's doing online when he can't freaking reply me.
&& he either ignores the fact or conveniently forgot that he owes me the whole day tomorrow.
i'm not asking. just reminding.
and i'm pissed.
i hate you. just for this moment.

&& he makes her smile again with simple words.

and the tears fall cause her feelings are all tangled up.

to the boy she loves;

Happy Anniversary, sweet love.
4 months and many more anniversaries to come. the words, the sentences; no matter how perfectly they come together. it will never be enough to tell you,
I LOVE YOU.
you've grown to be a part of me, that inevitable part in life. everything about you makes me fall deeply in love, again and again.

iloveyou, sivashankar.