the past few days has been so far away from the word normal. plenty of fake smiles, plenty of lies. when will it be the same again, i wonder.

sometimes, the emotions are so strong that it dominates me and it's difficult to overcome it. to kick it aside, it seems so impossible. even to pretend like everything's fine, it keeps lingering around that i ended falling back into the black hole. and, poof! there comes another tiff. be it with brother, boyfriend or mother. it's just so tiring. to keep trying to explain, only to find yourself screwing things up again. time and again, i tell myself. ignorance is bliss. apparently, the motto doesn't work well with me. anymore. whatever happened to haruna, the days where she could go on ignoring so many things just to keep herself happy.

you know what. whoever gives a fuck. i don't.
(then again, i know i'm just consoling myself. let me do it. i feel happier)

i should be getting ready for tuition right now but i refuse to move anywhere. i'm plain lazy. not like they pay me what it's worth. speaking of which, i badly need a job. to at least pay off my handphone bills. pray together with me. the tuition center will reply me with a favorable answer and pay me well.

i feel like ranting on and on but i should be gone now.

before that, on a happier, carefree note. my family and i will be gone on a holiday to India during the June holidays. seriously, despite all the phobia, thanks to past experiences. i can't wait! at least, it's going to be a break away from everything, for two weeks.



i miss you. i miss the late night talks. i miss the laughter. i miss everything.